


It’s always our self we find in the sea

by Ginko_not_impressed



Category: Mushishi
Genre: Case Fic, Coming of Age, Gen, Girl Power, Is a punch to the face a "graphic depiction of violence"?, slight Ginko whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28534245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginko_not_impressed/pseuds/Ginko_not_impressed
Summary: Ginko’s been summoned by the Gōkasas, the richest family in the prefecture: Something’s wrong with their soon-to-be-married daughter and he shall come at once to remedy it. But as he attempts to rid the young lady of an inconspicuous red line on her back, the mushishi realizes that Tsuyoi suffers from a much more worrisome “underlying condition”. He endeavours to help the girl in more ways than one, though neither her governess nor the mushi relent without a fight.(no romance)Trigger warning for touching on the topics of panic attacks, suicide and drowning, none of which happen to Ginko or come to (fully) pass. Plus one punch to Ginko’s face.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	1. When the sea calls, don't answer

**Author's Note:**

> The universe wouldn’t let me go home for the holidays because of you-know-what. We were all heartbroken but we’re also reasonable and responsible. So instead of Christmas, I immersed myself back in my soothing emotional support fandom like a swamp-girl and this story is the result. My hopes for 2021 are to get green hair and become gelatinous.
> 
> Keep safe everybody. Unfortunately, in our world, no supernatural healer will randomly show up to remedy the damage of invisible _bugs_ when medicinal doctors can’t.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginko gets to know Tsuyoi's secret, but not without a little dose of mushi randomness and a little detour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the whole fic is part of a quote by E.E. Cummings:  
> “For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), It’s always our self we find in the sea.”

He has to take off his shoes and put on a pair of traditional tabi socks. The uptight governess is eyeing his alien footwear suspiciously and he can’t help but think that he’s already out of her favor somehow. She reminds him of Minai Tama, only ugly inside and out.

He’s been summoned by the Gōkasas, the wealthiest family in the prefecture, although the name means nothing to him. Something’s awry with their soon-to-be-married daughter Tsuyoi and he shall come at once to remedy it and there’s much to be gained in the way of monetary compensation. Ginko doesn’t care about that, but if he can help a young bride, he’ll do so. So now the young lady’s ancient tutor Furui is welcoming – though she doesn’t do the term justice – him in one of surely many entrances of the enormous manor. The bigger the house, the bigger the hole in your heart, Ginko thinks. It just figures that the parents of the girl are nowhere to be seen.

On the long way to Tsuyoi’s wing in the complex he has ample time to ask the shrew many questions. Is anyone else in the house afflicted? Does the young lady have accompanying symptoms such as pain, change in character, hysteric giggling? Have the preceding doctors given any indication as to the possible cause? Is it getting worse? All are answered ‘No, of course not.’

"Forgive my asking, but if Ms. Tsuyoi isn’t negatively afflicted by the line on her spine, why make her go through several examinations by doctors and other folk?"

The old woman sighs dramatically, her way of complaining about Ginko’s lack of omniscience.

"Of course, the miss will be wed to the son of a most prestigious diplomat in two months’ time. Surely you’ve heard of him; Tokugawa Genkin?"

He has not.

"Of course not. Well, this match is of the utmost importance for the future endeavours in politics of the Gōkasas. Of course, we cannot have our young bride display any… outlandish marks or blemishes on her vestal body."

"Of course not."

Upon arrival, he quickly scans the spacious room hosting nearly no furniture, but an assortment of maids and other entourage a woman of Tsuyoi’s standing seemingly has necessity of. No particularly intriguing or dangerous mushi lurk on the walls or float about in the air. None on the women either.

The youngest one, sat on a lavish futon in the middle of the room, must be Tsuyoi. She has her back towards him, but he already knows that’s where the supposed problem lies.

Ginko walks up to her and the old crone gestures for him to sit behind her. So, he can’t make out much of her face, but she can’t be more than fifteen years old. Too young to be married off in any case but he’s not here to meddle in rich people’s affairs. The only way he can help the girl is the mushishi way.

The governess takes a seat beside Tsuyoi and watches like a hawk every move he hasn’t even made yet.

"Hello Tsuyoi. My name is Ginko and I’m a mushishi."

The young lady nods most demurely and says nothing.

"Furui told me about the mark on your back. However, for me to take a look at it, I need you to bare your back. "

She simply shrugs off her elegant kimono and various undergarments, clutching the front closely to her chest. The casual movement doesn’t fit with her otherwise timid nature – she must have gotten used to the request to the point where she doesn’t care anymore.

Her back shows an underwhelming, thin red line, perfectly placed over her spine. Nothing to fuss over quite the way Furui does. It goes all the way up to her shiny black hair and all the way down to the small of her back. Naturally, he won't trace it past there.

"Furui says it doesn’t hurt. Is that true?"

"Of course it’s true!" the governess snaps.

"I’d like to hear it from her."

The young woman glimpses at her guardian, presumably looking for permission to speak before she mumbles "It’s fine, I’m in no pain."

"Hm. Does it do anything else? Tingle? Pulse? Wander around your body?"

"What?!" Ginko smiles at her loss of collectedness but the grouchy Tama-copy fixes them both with a death glare and he can’t really afford any more admonition. He drops his smile while Tsuyoi drops her posture and visibly shrinks.

"I’ll take that as a No. Is it alright if I touch it?" Again, his patient looks at the old woman by her side. She nods but not without contorting her countenance into one of utter disdain.

His finger hasn’t even quite made contact with her skin before he gets zapped with an energy he’s never felt before. Ginko’s thrown backwards before he can so much as put a hand out to catch himself and wakes up flat on his back which means he must have blacked out for a second. He’s breathless, his limbs are numb and yet strangely tingly. But the maids are fussing over him so annoyingly that he sits up quickly. It’s a mistake because for a long moment it feels like he left all his senses on the tatami mats but he has urgent matters to tend to.

"Are you alright?! Are you hurt?" At least that’s what he hopes he's articulating since he can barely hear his own voice through the ringing in his ears. She nods, then shakes her head – at least he hopes that's what she's doing since he can't quite make out any movements through his blurry vision either. Once it clears, he can see the teary-eyed fear in her delicate features. 

"I can't say I know what just happened, but it wasn't your fault."

Furui has her arms wrapped around her protégé in a vice grip.

"That's enough! Of course, I demand you leave at once." Even in his state, Ginko hears her fury.

He shakes his head a couple of times to clear it of the remnants of whatever just happened to him and ponders. 

"Actually, I'm just getting started." 

But further questioning doesn’t reveal any more insights except for the feeling that Tsuyoi is keeping something from him. For now, he’s content to know he hasn’t caused her any discomfort. Further visual examination yields the same result but gives him an idea.

He closes his second eyelids and finally finds something worthwhile. A thin line of bright golden light runs along Tsuyoi’s spine, vanishing in her hairline and the folds of her hada juban just like the red one on her skin. What really captures his mushishi eye are the delicate patterns that branch off of it, much like the veins in a leaf. They spread intricately over her whole back in random twirls, getting ever smaller and more numerous. It’s quite beautiful and reminds him of algae or ferns.* And this archaic pattern is innately _mushi._

Careful not to touch her again he follows the line of light with his eyes to where her elaborately woven and piled hair obscures his vision. Without further ado he frees it of three long wooden hair sticks and a mother-of-pearl comb that serves no architectural purpose in her hair nest. It earns him a mutter from the governess he doesn’t care to decipher. But Tsuyoi’s hair is thick and he has to take a risk by picking up the hair sticks like chopsticks and rummage around on her scalp. Now that he’s not touching her directly, Ginko is spared another painful shock. He finds the line ends right at the crown of her head.

"May I see your feet?"

Furui is still silently debating this when Tsuyoi consents.

With his normal eye her feet look perfectly pristine, obviously not used to do much walking, let alone walking around in less than the best shoes Gōkasa money can buy. But with his second vison the soles of her feet are glowing. The mushishi surmises that they’re connected to the stream of gold on her back. But the unexpected glow isn’t confined to her body. He turns around and finds, quite prominently, a light vein leading from her feet straight out under the exterior shoji doors.

"Excuse me."

Ginko opens them and just waltzes out, further fuelled by the outcry of indignation behind him. He follows the kōmyaku over the patio, where he leaves his socks, and into the perfectly manicured gardens. Then all the way to the seashore. Then all the way to the waterline. Ginko has to make several detours, as the light path takes the most direct route, straight through buildings and canals, where he can’t. It doesn’t stop but leads right into the water. He considers following it further but decides it wouldn't do to arrive back at the mansion dripping wet and smelling of seaweed. He still needs the dragon’s good grace – not that he had that in the first place.

What he doesn’t find is a cause for the strange reaction he had earlier, or why the young bride-to-be didn’t share it. But he has a terrible suspicion, and it makes him take a short reprieve in the empty calm of the almost-black horizon and the entirely black sea. He lights one of his cigarettes, hoping the smoke will cling to him for a bit, since Tsuyoi’s mean minder wouldn’t allow him to smoke in any of the rooms. Of course. He heaves a sigh, then turns back. On his way he stops by a mochi shop.

"I need to talk to Tsuyoi alone." 

"Out of the question of course!"

He expected this and has a plan. "Then it was nice meeting you, Tsuyoi and congratulations on the upcoming nuptials." The mushishi makes a show of taking his cabinet on his back, then his leave. "Thank you for having me, Furui." 

"No, wait! It's alright..." Both adults turn to the young woman in surprise. 

"But miss!"

"Please, Furui, leave us alone." She looks around the room and – also surprised – the maids get up one after the other and follow the governess out like a row of ducklings. 

Ginko sighs in relief and sits down once more, this time right in front of his patient. She is once more immaculately dressed, and her hair done up. But he can see now that Furui was lying when she denied any additional symptoms. She’s too pale, her cheeks too hollow to be a thriving teenager looking forward to her wedding. Though considering her circumstances and environment, this may not have anything to do with mushi.

Suddenly given his full attention, Tsuyoi doesn’t meet his eye.

"Hi Tsuyoi. I’m Ginko. I feel like we haven’t really met." She looks up, returns his soft smile fleetingly.

"Hello Ginko. Thank you… for making her leave me alone."

"You did that."

"I… see. I mean, yes, I did." She looks slightly embarassed. "The other doctors… they were paid by my father. So, they would submit to Furui’s… manners. But you’re not here for the money?"

"Offering help should be as free as accepting it."

To offer his help, he’s about to stir the conversation towards tumultuous waters.

"Now. What are you doing at the beach at night?" She winces so hard even the ciliate-like mushi above her head startles. She casts her eyes down and tries to make herself small.

"Forgive me for being so upfront but I need your help if you want me to find out what's happening to you." She’s back to her silent ways. This isn’t going as well as he hoped.

"You _do_ want me to help, don’t you?"

Still no reaction. This is his suspicion confirmed.

"... So you can be paid?"

"No. So you can live. And this is a matter of life and death." He pauses. "Isn’t it?"

A shrug.

"Why don’t you let me talk and you can correct me if I’m wrong."

A tinier shrug.

"Perhaps you were meeting a young man at the beach? No, don’t think so. Hmhmhm… a woman?"

The girl’s head flies up, her face so scandalized at the implication he's sure the concept is foreign to her. At least he made her look at him because he needs to judge her reaction to the next question.

"Were you going to meet the sea?"

That implication she understands, and tears start streaming down her face out of nowhere. She's sobbing so quietly, she must have a lot of practice, Ginko surmises. Ginko has dealt with all kinds of human misery and sorrow and always manages a certain of level of detachedness. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel for the girl. But it’s no longer his place to speak.

He watches her make a conscious effort of pulling herself together which appears to be another thing she's very capable at. In the blink of an eye, she’s perfectly composed. It doesn’t last.

"I can't marry this man... I can't! He' forty-five! He's -" Her pretty face distorts in disgust. The tears are back and this time they are accompanied by sobs so violent she resorts to biting down on the many folds of her sleeve. 

"So one night-", she can't seem to catch her breath. "One… night-"

Her gasping gets worse and she’s pressing her shaking hands to her chest. If Ginko wants to have a chance to prevent her getting worse, this is the time.

"Tsuyoi, listen to my voice. Oi, are you listening? Focus on me." 

He takes her pleading look for acquiescence.

"Good. Now, take a deep breath in and hold it. Hold it." 

Holding her breath dutifully, the girl suddenly looks like a little kid.

"Now release it, but very sloooowly."

She does so, but immediately sucks in another breath.

"Let’s do it again, but this time pause before you take another breath. Put your hands on your belly and try to breathe into them."

Ginko’s assured tranquillity soon takes effect, but he breathes with her quite a few more times before her tears stop flowing as heavily and her breaths start flowing more freely. 

"You can't tell Furui or my parents about this." she whispers urgently. 

"Why would I do that?"

She seems amazed at the idea of being given some semblance of privacy.

The mushishi gives her a couple of minutes, then brings the conversation back on track.

"So you snuck out and walked down to the beach to drown yourself in the sea. Then what happened?" 

"I... I… couldn’t do it. It should be so easy to _not_ do something. To let go. And I couldn't even manage that!"

"Easy. Remember your breath-"

"I can’t do anything!" she suddenly explodes. "I’ve never had… power, or, or authority or… the chance to make a decision - about _anything!_ Least of all _me!"_ She’s shaking with anger now which Ginko considers a huge improvement.

"So I thought this _one_ time, this time no one could take away from me! And they’d never - get the chance to - ever again -" She suddenly stops and reels in the volume of her voice. "And still I let them win." She becomes very small and quiet again. "How pathetic is that."

Her outburst seems to be over because she looks at Ginko with the expectation of being confirmed. When the mushishi says nothing for a long time, she takes it exactly this way.

"You see? You can’t help me. Nobody can."

"It’s not pathetic."

"Huh?"

"Not walking to your death is not pathetic. It’s a power: Something in you still wants to live. So, someone is already helping you: _you."_

He gives her time to let this sink in, but she doesn’t look convinced.

"I know this because the umi no hanamuko only takes women without any hope. They are not victims; they are brides."

"Umi… no…"

"The ‘Sea’s Groom’. Not much is known about this mushi as there are usually no witnesses to its actions. Nobody knows what it looks like. But we know that it fishes not in the water but on land, by connecting a light vein to a suitable woman on a shore. Those are women who are quite prepared to give up their lives, without any will of life in them. Women who want to end it or at least have no more ambitions to strive for."

"What does it do to the women?"

Ginko just shrugs.

"A… light vein?"

"Imagine it as a flow of energy that life itself is hinged on. Mushi, Plants, animals, everything in between. It’s quite rare for a mushi to make immediate use of this force like this, though."

"And we are connected… right now? I don’t see anything."

"You can’t. But I saw its „fishing line“ leading from your feet all the way into the sea."

Tsuyoi’s quiet for a long time, but then –

"So I’m just _another bride?!_ " Her anger is righteous – and just what Ginko wants.

"Exactly."

She gapes at him, befuddled.

"It’s a good thing."

"How."

"I’ll let you figure that out for yourself."

She looks angry, confused, disappointed all at once. Lost, in summary.

"Here, have this. You must be exhausted." He produces a big purple mochi blob complete with blossom decoration and places it in her hand.

"Uh… thank you?" She eyes it suspiciously, then takes a hearty bite.

Ginko leaves her be for now and has a smoke just outside her quarters, shoji doors open so he doesn’t miss _the moment_. At a far corner, he catches the maids whispering conspiratorially for a few minutes. He doesn’t like to be the subject of intrigue but today it satisfies him. Finally, in the room behind him he hears the mochi ball drop just like the penny in Tsuyoi’s mind.

"I walked away from him." She looks at Ginko with huge eyes of disbelief. "I walked away from him!" She gives a laugh, a sound Ginko is sure hasn’t been heard in the house in a long time.

"I WALKED AWAY FROM HIM!" She jumps up and before Ginko has any time to sidestep her, she throws herself round his neck with an enthusiasm only a teenager can manage. Ginko has to awkwardly talk into her cloud of hair.

"Yes you did. I think you have been for quite some time, judging by the web of light on your back."

She lets him go to look at his sheepish grin.

"This is the power you spoke of, isn’t it?! Not power over my death, but over my life!" Tears are back in her eyes. "I just didn’t know it! Or maybe I forgot it!" She beams as she says it out loud:

"If I can walk away from a powerful mushi, I can walk away from _that_ jerk, too! I can walk awaaaay! I can _run_ away!" She laughs more, spins around herself in the big room, loose strands of hair and many layers of clothing flowing. Miraculously the mochi remnants don’t get trembled.

This is what a fifteen-year-old should look like. Her parents sure are missing out.

"Wait -" the happy air around her disappears in an instant.

"What do you mean, „have been for quite some time”?"

"It seems the Sea’s Groom doesn’t give up quite so easily. I think he’s luring you to him regularly, perhaps every night. At these times, you are more mushi than human, that’s why no one ever sees you wandering around the premises, why you are passing right through obstacles on your way to the shore. Why you don’t feel exhausted after a night of wandering about."

"So it’s still dictating me?"

"See it as you dictating _it._ You’re making the umi no hanamuko work for you. Now how about we cut the line?"

She nods, a newly found determination in her eyes. "How?"

Ginko smirks. "First step: Let’s shock your governess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *There was an attempt to describe Lichtenberg figures, the visual results of high-voltage discharges. They can be found on humans that have been struck by lightning and disappear within a couple of days. Search for “human skin Lichtenberg figure” or some such; they are bizarrely beautiful.
> 
> If you realized while reading that I’m not a native speaker, but a German who cultivates an unholy concoction of English-es from American and British series, memes and literature, that just means I’ll have to try harder. I’m just glad I realized in time that using “mistress” instead of “miss” might have turned this fic into something else entirely.
> 
> Kudos, comments, constructive criticism and compliments are always welcome! If you can't bother with that, write your own stuff and see how it feels not to get any feedback ;)


	2. Turn your back on the sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginko and Tsuyoi take the fight to the mushi, but ultimately it's her fight alone. Encouraged, Tsuyoi makes a big decision and sets out for a new life with Ginko's help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This requires some knowledge of the whole mushishi universe as several episodes are referenced here. Know your stuff... or you won't know ;)

When Tsuyoi calls her watchdog back in, she and Ginko are sat just as before, all innocence and virtue. As she seats herself once more next to her miss, she glares daggers at Ginko. After all, he’s managed to undo years of disciplining with her ward in a single evening. She’s sure she heard _laughing_ earlier! Also, there’s a half-eaten mochi ball on the floor when the miss isn’t supposed to eat anything after supper.

Ginko waits until she’s fully seated for maximum effect of the bomb he’s about to drop.

"I want to spend the night with her."

Tsuyoi and him are not disappointed as they watch the spinster's face eagerly. It's a look he will cherish forever and knows the satisfaction must be manifold for Tsuyoi. She does a poor job hiding her snicker.

"Out!" Furui manages after a long time of gasping like a fish on land.

"He stays."

More gasping occurs. "But miss Tsuyoi, you cannot -"

" _Of course_ I can. He stays. "

Furui has caught on by now that what Ginko is proposing isn’t, of course, entirely inappropriate. She still won’t be disregarded in this way.

"I shall discuss this with your parents at once, of -"

" -course." Ginko finishes for her. „Please tell them that the mushishi has found a cure to their daughter’s ailment but is kept from providing it by her governess."

They are treated to a repeat performance of her utter-disbelief-visage.

"I cannot in good conscience allow this, of course. Please reconsider, miss Tsuyoi -"

"Furui. I thank you for all you have done for me. Over the years, and in the last weeks. I know you always meant well. But I know my own best interests and intend to implement them. I invite you to be a part of it. You are free to choose whether you want to stay by my side or leave. I’ll respect your decision."

In the end, Tsuyoi, daughter of Gōkasa Fuzai and Gōkasa Nai, gets her will. So, the early night finds her asleep on her futon and Ginko slouching against a nearby wall. Furui is kneeling beside Tsuyoi, more tense than Ginko’s ever seen her, and he wonders if she might pop and disturb Tsuyoi’s slumber. His plan hinges on her being deeply asleep and snatched away by the umi no hanamuko tonight.

He told Furui to have her shoes ready right outside but he’s quite sure he’ll outrun the old bag on their race to the seashore.

It happens when it’s darkest, right before sunrise. Tsuyoi rises, not like normal person would but stiff as a board into a vertical position.

"There she goes!" Ginko springs to his feet, doesn’t even bother with shoes, grabs his pack and out the door he is. Furui can now only see the empty covers, not where her mutinous charge has vanished to. Tsuyoi’s fast, not walking or running, just being moved along by the strain of kōmyaku which now shines much brighter and seems to have much more pull. Ginko witnesses her diffuse right through a big manor, then float over a small canal. He remembers the route more or less from his earlier venture and even finds an impromptu shortcut that makes him arrive at the beach only a few moments behind the Sea’s Bride.

The mushishi can see her glow in the light of the kōmyaku as she’s staring distantly into the gentle waves. When he reaches her, the young bride of water and man doesn’t acknowledge him. Her face is perfectly void of any emotion, yet he feels, _knows_ , there’s an intense tug of war going on over Tsuyoi’s body and mind. He has to pull his gaze off of her features to scan the water surface for any disturbance but all he sees is the golden light being broken in the dark flow. They had hoped Ginko’s presence would lure the creature from its wet habitat for Ginko to break its connection to the girl with his specially prepared mushi purge. Also, he really wants to lay eyes on the elusive mushi, but he’s out of luck and the plan out the door.

So he prepares his mushi pin to pull Tsuyoi out of her trance and sever the Sea Groom’s hold on her with a tap to the crown of her head, where the golden band originates.

It occurs to him too late that his metal mushi needle works perfectly as the element of conduction he was lacking with the wooden hair sticks. Ginko gets hit with the same intense strike that incapacitated him the first time and he crumbles to the wet sand with an undignified yelp. Miraculously, the needle still finds its mark in time, presumably thanks to Ginko’s involuntary jerking instead of the gentle tap of his finger.

When his eyes open again and he pries his head free from the sludge, Tsuyoi’s beautiful face is hovering over him. She’s still glowing which is a mesmerizing sight but not a welcome development. Obviously, she’s still not fully free of the umi no hanamuko’s lure – but there’s lucidity in her eyes and what’s more: determination. She’s not looking to help him up, though: She’s looking for the bottle with the anti-mushi serum – and he’s in no condition to stop her. She must have found it because the young woman leaves him in the sand and turns towards the waves.

"Wait. This is too dangerous!"

For a moment, Tsuyoi turns back around, smiles and nods. He can’t make out what she’s saying but he guesses it’s supposed to pacify him.

"Don’t go! You have no idea what you’re dealing with!"

Then again, neither does he.

Her glow slips off his face like a sun newly set when she faces the water once more and he has to watch her wade into the sea.

Ginko’s still struggling to his hands and knees when Furui descends on him with all the wrath of a dethroned queen. She’s accompanied by three guards who he first thinks are kind enough to help him to his feet. But they pull on his arms just until he’s kneeling and then twist his shoulders in a decisively unhelpful manner. It hurts enough for him to feel it through the numbness of his limbs.

"Where is she?!" Furui screeches and for once he finds her anger is justified.

"WHERE IS SHE?!"

Good question. He turns to the sea as much as the brutes will let him and searches for the hanamuko’s light tentacle. There’s nothing. No Tsuyoi calling out or spluttering or a splashy battle between a feisty woman and a mushi scorned. He knows she knows how to swim but that only helps if she’s alive. Ginko wonders if they lost her to the sea after all.

Furui takes his searching look for what it is: trepidation.

"No! NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

Another good question. He shouldn’t have brought her here. Surely, he could’ve convinced the mushi to relinquish its grip on his own. It’s his job, after all.

He loses track of his thoughts when the third guard socks him on the jaw. He’s getting quite sick of having his senses knocked out of him whichever way but there’s an upside this time. The guard has moved slightly to the side to throw his second punch and it’s this new line of sight that helps Ginko spot a human-shaped bundle being washed up by the waves not too far away.

"There! Right at the waterline!" But the confused looks of Furui and the men tell him they can’t see Tsuyoi. She must still be comprised of more mushi substance than physical one. Either way, she’s not getting up.

"Furui, you have to let me go! I can help her!"

Actually, he’s not sure he can but to his surprise she nods to the guards and they drop him. Ginko scrambles over to his cabinet and from a secret compartment in the floor fishes out the crystal that remains of the ‘mushi that devours the sun’. He runs over to the still figure half submerged in the water followed by the guards and the old woman.

Tsuyoi’s too still for someone alive and too dead for being mushi. Mushi don’t leave corpses after all. Can one even revive a person in this limbo state? Ginko’s instinct tells him to let the world of mushi decide this: He slams the crystal onto her chest, right over her heart.

Tsuyoi splutters back to life with much coughing and wheezing and he can _feel_ her human-ness return to her through the crystal that connects them. The others can _see_ it and Furui falls to her knees crying and hugging the bewildered girl. The men stand there awkwardly. Only now does Ginko see that one of them brought a big towel and a bathrobe, both of which Furui snatches from him and wraps around her ward. Nobody offers anything to Ginko, except for Tsuyoi who once more smiles and nods at him. For Ginko, that’s enough.

"It worked then?"

"Yes, I’m sure of it."

Ginko closes the eyelids behind his eyelids and scans her body for any remnants of the hanamuko’s bright webwork. Nothing lights up anymore, not even a spark.

"You did good."

"I did? I did!"

"How are you feeling?"

She shrugs. "Shaky, cold, wet… like I could use some more mochi."

"No urge to walk through walls or into the sea?"

"Nope."

Furui looks outraged at the informal speech but is no longer in a position to say so.

"Miss, we really need to get you back home! Of course, one of the guards will carry you up to the promenade and I can send for a-"

"I can walk, thank you, Furui. Ginko?"

"I’ll uh… manage?" As he says it, he’s being hauled to his feet by the two guards from before, again not with any assisting intention.

"Let him go." Tsuyoi demands firmly and if Ginko had eyes at the back of his head, he’d enjoy the caught look on their faces. They peer over to Furui who nods and without any further dissent he’s released once more.

The young master proceeds to send all of them up ahead for their way back – so she can hang back with Ginko. Tsuyoi bundles up her towel and for a moment it looks as though she’s about to dab away the sand from his face, but in the end she just hands it over for him to do so. They enjoy their happy outcome in silence for a moment before they simultaneously ask "What happened?"

"Eh?" Ginko doesn’t know what she means, since she was there for all of it.

"That thing did something to you, twice. It looked painful. Are you alright?"

"Oh. That. I’m fine." The mushi’s not the one who punched him in the face. He refrains from saying so by looking for his box of mushi tobacco, only to find it ruined by the sea water. When he looks back up, the young woman is still looking at him expectantly. He sighs.

"Well, I can only guess here. Mushi don’t have emotions or intentions like humans do, but if I didn’t know better, I’d say the Sea’s Groom was jealous."

"Jealous?"

"It must’ve felt threatened by my presence and my trying to detach you from its influence. So, it attacked. I often find that men and mushi aren’t all that different. The most basic instincts remain deep within even the noblest of creatures."

"But none of the other doctors that touched and prodded me had this happen to them."

"Hm. I suspect that’s because they were all fully human. Probably the hanamuko perceived me more as a threat from its own realm."

"I don’t understand." She waits for an explanation that doesn’t come.

"What about you? The last I saw of you was when you stole my potion and took off with it!"

"I didn’t steal - I took matters into my own hands."

"Literally."

"Well, you weren’t going to do it-"

The mushishi quirks an eyebrow at her.

"I don’t know. I just knew I had to do this. Alone. On my own. I knew that it would turn out right."

"And what is it that you did?"

"I… uh… "

Ginko raises his eyebrow again.

"I don’t remember."

"Huh?"

"I don’t know. One moment I walk into the water and I can feel the triumph of the mushi, like it thinks it has finally won. And I feel my courage grow because I know it had already lost."

"Then what?"

"… Next thing I know I wake up on the beach with your hands on my bust."

"What?! No, I didn’t - I wasn’t -" Ginko scratches the back of his head.

"I’m joking, don’t worry."

"Tsk…"

Maybe he can jog her memory.

"So you freed yourself from it but you don’t know how. What did it look like?"

"I don’t know."

"Did it use human speech to communicate with you?"

"I don’t remember."

"How did it react when it came in contact with the liquid in the bottle?"

" _I don’t remember._ Maybe I didn’t even use it."

"Do you _think_ you didn’t use it?"

"No. Yes. I don’t know. I’m sorry, Ginko."

They both sigh with frustration. Ginko doesn’t get frustrated easily, but there’s an irony here he’s too weary to ignore right now.

"So the only woman known to ever survive an encounter with the umi no hanamuko doesn’t remember anything about the mushi or the remedy." What a shame. This would have made a good story for Tanyuu, Ginko muses. Even if the mushi had to “return to the kōmyaku” for it.

"Who’s Tanyuu?"

Oh, so he said that out loud.

"She’s a collector of stories. She lives surrounded by rocks and scrolls and she’s the strongest person I know. You’d like her. Maybe some day you’ll get to meet her."

"Maybe I will."

"It’s still a very good story: The main point is that you’re alive and well."

"I’m not just well, I’m _better_ than before! I owe you my life. In many ways." She stops, so he turns around. Tsuyoi looks at him, really looks him in the eye for the first time and holds his unsuspecting gaze.

"Thank you."

He hears everything she doesn’t say in the peck she gives him on the cheek.

"Thank you for the towel."

Maybe she’ll remember something later.

‘Later’, as it turns out, means about thirty hours later. As soon as they are back at the mansion, the Gōkasas’ daughter is spirited away and Ginko is „invited” to finally meet the parents. What follows is more of an interrogation than a debrief but somehow, in the end, he turns out on their good side. Not once do they ask about how their daughter is coping with all the supernatural happenings.

By the time he’s released, he’s restless and wants to leave at once, though not without saying his goodbyes to Tsuyoi. He’s now being „invited” to stay for the next day and shown to an exclusive guest room. The Gōkasas won’t be known for mistreating their guests, if not out of a sign of respect, then for obligations of decorum. Someone waits inconspicuously outside his door until he’s changed into a night robe and drops off his wet clothes. Begrudgingly, he lets himself fall on the prepared futon. It _is_ nice to be dry and warm and comfortable every now and then. Before he can begin to count the mushi circling above him like a mobile, he’s asleep.

His clothes have been cleaned and starched and mended when he sees them next. They feel foreign on him, or maybe he feels foreign in them.

Ginko’s let into an airy room and finds Tsuyoi sitting next to the open shoji doors, just as elegant and graceful as the night he met her, yet something in her exudes a new-found strength. He takes a seat next to her and they watch the koi in the decorative pond of the excessive garden.

"I told Furui I wanted to see you before you leave, and you know what she said?"

"Hm?"

_"Of course, miss."_

Ginko nods approvingly.

"You don’t happen to remember anything?"

"Not a second. And the scar’s still there."

"Oh?"

"So you won’t get paid, I’m afraid. Not even I could convince my parents otherwise. I apologize."

"Payment can take many forms. I’ve been paid. But tell me, does it bother you? The mark on your back?"

The pearls on the end of her hair sticks jingle when she shakes her head.

"It has never bothered me. I simply didn’t care about it before. Now I do. It’s proof that I have power over my life. That I did something, I made a decision. What’s more, it irks Furui so there’s another upside."

Ginko snorts at the thought.

"But the wedding’s still on?"

"Oh yes. Or so they think."

"You think differently, then."

"Yes." She stares at the fish when she next speaks.

"I’m going to leave this place. There’s nothing here for me. Ginko, won’t you take me with you? Just for a short while, just until I’ve learned the ways of the road and how to - how to talk to people and ask for work or -"

"I can’t do that, Tsuyoi. What I do can be dangerous. I lead a very vagrant life. Besides, it would look like I kidnapped you. We would be tracked down; I’m not easily missed or forgotten."

"Yes, that makes sense."

He can see the disappointment on her face even as she avoids to look in his direction.

And he can see how a young woman clueless about the „real world” could get in trouble really fast out there.

"However…" he opens a drawer of his pack and hands her his urosan. When he’s finished explaining how it works, she marvels at it with childlike wonder.

"I can write to some friends of mine and find out who’d be willing to come and collect you if you can make it out of town unnoticed. We’ll find a place to stay for you."

With every word, her face lights up more.

"A word of caution: Whomever you end up with, wherever you decide to stay- it won’t be as luxurious as here."

"I don’t care about that! I could live in a fishing village or in the middle of nowhere or deep in the woods -"

"Then you’ll be fine. The wedding’s in eight weeks, right? I’ll write you through the urosan before then and have figured something out." He stands, so she does, too.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Tsuyoi. Good luck in your new life."

"Any advice?"

Ginko isn’t expecting the question, but his answer is there before he can even think about it.

"Don’t miss any cause for joy."

"Thank you again, Ginko. For everything you’ve done for me. Are doing for me. I don’t know how to show my gratitude. But I’m looking forward to meeting you again someday."

Ginko nods. If their paths cross again, he’ll be curious to know how Gōkasa Tsuyoi, not married to a most prestigious diplomat, has turned out.

Four weeks later, Adashino and Io, closest to Tsuyoi’s hometown, meet her under a giant aogiri tree° outside of it. She’s already undone her hair and taken a maid’s outfit for her short trip and no one will miss her until tonight’s supper. Furui has been dismissed for the day. They hand her a simple yukata and sandals to put on and cut her silky mane to chin length for good measure. She feels oddly liberated and whips her hair back and forth to enjoy how light it feels. Miss no cause for joy.

Ginko has warned her that the doctor may ask to see her mushi mark and to slap him if he does. But Adashino is the perfect gentleman and leaves the two ladies to themselves most of the time. Io has her own tale to tell about being betrothed to a watery spirit and how a green-eyed mushishi made her embrace and claim her own life for herself. By the time they reach Adashino’s village, the two women have connected in a way neither of them has known before.

Tsuyoi stays with them for a week but they don’t deem it safe enough as there are rumors the Gōkasas have hired investigators to retrieve their wayward offspring. So on the cart of a trusted merchant, she travels up the coast to another fishing village where she’s taken in by a fisherman and his young daughter. They tell her the wondrous story of how Ginko predicted not one, but two calamities and gave Mina back her voice. She works hard and talks little at first until she finds her own voice and learns to sing, laugh, cry, shout and speak her mind.

During this time, Tsuyoi becomes an admirable diver. But she feels such a strong connection to the sea and its treacherous depths that in the end she decides to leave for the mountains.

Not two days into her lonesome trek an excited bridge builder comes up to her and tells her a fantastical story about chasing rainbow-colored phantoms and letting go and carving out your own future. As someone who for a long time thought hers was already made up, Tsuyoi soaks it up like a sponge. He accompanies her for two days spent talking about bridges built of wood and in mind and leaves her to her own devices when she asks him to.

The woman only realizes later that he’s steered her towards a village high up in the mountain that is said to be owned by a huge snake with white fur. She never gets to see it but gets to meet another mushishi instead. It’s a boy of not more than twelve years but the locals respect him and she admires him for his calm assurance and competence. She learns a lot from Kodama: what to eat in the wilderness and where to find it, how to treat minor wounds. But more importantly about independence, self-reliance and being your own teacher.

When she feels ready and restless, she sets out again and at the blink of an eye a further two years of travelling, learning, and seizing every cause for joy have passed. Every now and then, here and there, she runs into people wo will tell her of curious ailments and happenings that were cured by a no less curious man with strange-smelling cigarettes. She follows the stories until she finds herself in a sea of rocks. She’s not taking the most direct route, but she has learned to ask for help and demand it at times, so in the end she reaches the home of the tragic, yet inspiring woman Ginko has mentioned. Tsuyoi doesn’t know it yet but she’ll cherish the conversations she’ll have with Tanyuu for the rest of her life.

For now, she muses about all she has learned about herself, her life and life in general during her journey. She finds she has also learned a lot about the humble and serene mushishi who incessantly travels the world, always ready to offer help when and where he is needed.

Before the manor even comes into view, she spots the man in question sitting on a rock side by side with a woman roughly his age. Neither seem particularly surprised when she approaches them.

"You made it." Ginko smiles.

"Indeed I did." Tsuyoi smiles back.

"Welcome, Gōkasa Tsuyoi. Ginko has told me all about you. I’m delighted to make your acquaintance." And Tanyuu smiles at both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> °Aogiri tree: Not an allusion to Tokyo Ghoul which I know zip about, but to Hiroshima’s Phoenix Trees. These Parasol trees were hit by the full blast of the nuclear bombing and lost all their foliage and branches, as well as being badly burnt. Miraculously, they survived and eventually started sprouting new leaves and blossoms. Today, descendants of these symbols of hope can be found in every schoolyard in Japan as well as all over the world as ambassadors of peace.
> 
> Kudos, comments, constructive criticism and compliments are always welcome! If you can't bother with that, write your own stuff and see how it feels not to get any feedback ;)
> 
> Thanks for your curiosity, interest, attention and patience!


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